Family Secrets Don’t Stay Buried Forever

Sometimes life hands you information that instantly rearranges the way you see your childhood, your parents, and honestly… yourself.

In this episode of Honest Feedback, we respond to a listener who’s preparing to uncover a family secret that could completely shift the foundation of her relationship with her parents at 40 years old. And whew… if you’ve ever realized your family dynamic was more complicated than you were taught to believe, this conversation is going to hit. 

We talk about the surreal experience of finding out something huge later in life and realizing you suddenly have to reprocess your memories, your identity, and the role you’ve been playing in your family system. We get into parentified child dynamics, codependency, “good daughter” conditioning, and the pressure so many families place on self-abandonment in the name of loyalty. 

Brittney opens up about uncovering painful truths in her own healing journey, while Lisset shares why the unconscious mind often reveals things only when we’re finally strong enough to handle them. Together, they explore how forgiveness, boundaries, and radical self-trust can transform even the messiest family revelations into a turning point instead of a breaking point. 

This episode is for:

•  The eldest daughters 
•  The cycle breakers 
•  The people realizing they were taught to parent their parents 
•  Anyone unpacking family lies, secrets, or emotional enmeshment 
•  Anyone trying to figure out how to love their family without abandoning themselves 

One of the biggest takeaways from this episode:
 The truth may change your understanding of the past… but it does not get to define your future.

Honest Feedback was created by Brittney King and Lisset King.

Note: Honest Feedback Podcast aims to provide insights and provoke thoughtful reflection. The opinions expressed in this episode are for informational purposes only and should not replace professional advice.

Please send us your questions by leaving a voicemail at 971-895-4111, DM us on instagram @honestfeedbackpodcast or email us at thekings@honestfeedbackpodcast.com

Keep up with the podcast by following us @HonestFeedbackPodcast on YouTube

Transcript

Family Roles And Self-Abandonment

Lisset 0:00

There's certain family dynamics. You know, I yeah, I come from a from a Latin family and certain family systems reward self-abandonment.

Goddess Brittney 0:10

I definitely feel that as a black family. I mean, it can happen in any color family. Like it literally, it's all the families.

Lisset 0:17

You're supposed to be the good daughter, you're supposed to do the good things, and never ask quiet, never ask questions. I do what you're told. And so you're getting this now as someone who's 40, as like when we're 40, the fucks we stop giving.

Goddess Brittney 0:37

Welcome to Honest Feedback, the podcast where deep truth meets bold transformation. We've created this podcast for spirit-led individuals just like you.

Lisset 0:47

Seekers of truth, personal growth, and meaningful connection. Whether you're navigating life's big questions, craving more joy and fulfillment, or simply looking for honest, relatable conversations, you're in the right place.

Goddess Brittney 1:00

Through personal stories, actionable advice, and transformative insights, our ultimate goal is to empower you to create a life that's overflowing with pleasure, purpose, and authenticity.

Lisset 1:12

We know you're capable of incredible things. So let's make it happen together. Hi,

Honest Feedback And The Tender Topic

Lisset 1:18

welcome back to another episode of Honest Feedback. We are beyond excited to talk about this very tender topic. Yeah, today we're talking about family dynamics and finding like a hard truth. Oof, do you know anything about that?

Goddess Brittney 1:32

Oh, the shade. We don't even have enough time to talk about all the hard truths. Like, you know, when you're just like, oh, I think that only happens on like soap operas or things like that. Oh my gosh. I'll never forget. I was at a comedy show in LA, like an improv show. And they were like, let's go through your Facebook or something like that. And then the girl, they call a girl on stage, and we're going through her Facebook and she's like explaining their family, and she's like, they're like, Who's this and who's that? And she goes, Oh, that's my sister. And it was like, maybe that her name was Nicole, and they're like, and her sister's name was Nicole, and they're like, You have a sister named Nicole? And she goes, Yeah, well, my dad had two families, and he named the kids the same name. No. And I was like, Oh my god. You know, you think you're the only one whose father had a secret family, and you're just like, dang, it gets even darker. The same names for multiple children.

Lisset 2:27

That is a good way to not get confused.

Goddess Brittney 2:32

Gosh, I guess you just call your wife babe. You know, that's that's that's that'll that'll keep it easy. Dang. Oh my gosh, yeah. Have you had experiences with family secrets?

Lisset 2:43

Yeah, I have. And you know, I think one of the things that we have very like fail um mafia dynamics. Nobody saw nothing, nobody says nothing. And I was raised with that, and that that actually has helped me stay out of trouble.

unknown 3:00

Oh, okay.

Lisset 3:00

But that hasn't um stopped me from having to process life, you know?

Goddess Brittney 3:05

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yep. Well, we have a caller in today who is processing some family dynamics, and I'm really excited to get into it. Oh, and it's a voice call, so we're in for a treat.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Okay.

A Voicemail About A Coming Truth

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Hi, Alyssa and Brittany. I don't even know if this is an appropriate question for your podcast. I love your podcast, by the way. But I am preparing for some news. Um, I think I know the news. Um, it's gonna be kind of life-altering and shifting in terms of my dynamic and relationships with my parents in particular, mostly my mom. And I'm preparing to have kind of some tough conversations about it. So I'm wondering, just like in those moments when you are trying to figure out your next step, and how you let something that maybe was a lie really, you know, I'm not even gonna call it, you know, something manipulative, but just a lie that you've been you've been you just found out. How do you let that kind of propel you into the next chapter of your life? Like, I do feel there's a reason why I'm finding this now, this out now at 40 years old, even though it seems like so late in life to find it out. Um yeah. So anyway, I'm I'm preparing myself for some news, and I am also thinking there's a reason why I was supposed to know this at 40 years old. And what does this say about where I go from here? Maybe it's you know tied to my codependent relationship with my parents and forgiving them, and also like just unburdening myself of having to take care of them and to parent them. Um, I'm already thinking of like the ways that I'm hoping that this turns out to be a positive thing, even though it's gonna lead to a lot of other questions and tough conversations that I need to have with them. So I know this is so random, but I thought of the two of you because I've been thinking about what I can do for myself this year to like re-ground myself, re-center myself, and honestly continue to do the work that I've started with the two of you. Um, because I feel like there's obviously more work to do, but also I'm just super fucking proud of myself because I feel much better prepared to handle this situation than I probably would have been two years ago, a year ago. I just feel like all the work I've been doing to find myself again and become a stronger, happier, healthier me um makes it possible to handle something like this. That's really disappointing and kind of alarming. Um a little easier to handle. Like I I can fucking deal with this. I can handle this shit because I'm I'm built, I'm built. Anyway, okay. I love you both and I'm sending you all the good

What If You Are Ready

SPEAKER_00 6:02

vibes.

Goddess Brittney 6:02

Thank you so much, Jenny, for this beautiful message and for trusting us to support you in navigating this. And yeah, girl, family. Ah, a lie, coming to the light. Um, yeah, I'm I'm honored to be someone who has a voice um in this. And yeah, do you want to start?

Lisset 6:26

Oh my gosh, yeah. Well, first of all, there's like there's been this TikTok thing. I don't know if you saw it, but it's like people coming out with family lore. Oh, does this come across your feed?

Goddess Brittney 6:39

Anyway, well, family I I saw one. I saw one, but okay, continue.

Lisset 6:46

Essentially, it was like uh discovering the family lore and realizing that you're the villains. Oh my god, no, I haven't gotten it. Got it, got it. Anyway, there's there's a whole thing, like, I don't know. We we just live in a day in like an era, and especially, guys, there's something in the stars. What has been hidden will not stay hidden.

Goddess Brittney 7:05

Pluto and Aquarius.

Lisset 7:07

That's what it is. Uh, what has been hidden will not stay hidden no matter how much families try to keep it down and stuff. So, yo, everybody, just be ready. Like, you can't keep that shit in the shadows. And so I really want to honor Jenny for sharing this with us. I um just from the part of me that loves cheese meant, I want more details on this. Obviously. And of course, we can we glean the question.

Goddess Brittney 7:33

Who is not listening and being like, what happened to your family? Sorry, there was another TikTok trend where people were like, you don't know my family, so I'm gonna tell you. And I turned one of those that was ridiculous. Um, and we can support you without being all up in your business. I know. If you never want to let us know.

Lisset 7:51

Yeah, if you want to give us the update, we're here for it. Well, and we hope this really helps because you know, one of the things we we were really like gleaning, what is it that's going on? You know, and we can we can get that. It's you have this codependent relationship with your parents, right? So you've been taking care of them, right? So it's like, how do I stop parenting my parents? Right. Uh, and grieving what wasn't true. Yeah. So there's like that question in there while still staying grounded in love and like who you are and trusting yourself. And for that, we're your girls.

Goddess Brittney 8:27

We're girls. Well, I love what you said because you kind of asked, you're like, well, I'm preparing for life-altering news, and I'm preparing for these tough conversations. I'm like, girl, what if you're already prepared? Like you shared about how you're like, I feel like it's no accident that I'll I'm discovering this at 40 years old. Um, you just stronged yourself as like you described sorry, you described yourself as a strong woman and a woman, and you're like, I can handle this. So I'm like, what if you're already prepared and you actually don't need to keep preparing to receive the news? Also, I caught your little T of like, I feel like I already know what it is. Like, you know, you're like, no one has said something, but like, you be no one. I mean no one. I mean no one. All of a sudden you're just like, this fucking makes sense. Um so what if you're already prepared and you actually don't need to continue preparing? And my question from there is like, if you're already prepared, then what is the thing that's being asked of you? And I'm I what I would love for you to sit with is can you be present with this experience? And by present, I mean like fully engaged and open and showing up for the moments as they unfold, showing up for like genuinely listening to whoever I'm assuming your parents is sharing whatever it is they're gonna share with you. Can you be present with you responding back to them? You know, so often, especially when there's something that's big that comes up, yeah, you know, all of our coping mechanisms can also show up where it's like numbing or scrolling or eating or drinking or all these things to like check us out of the experience. And my invitation is could you be present and like go even deeper into the experience? Because, you know, as wild and chaotic as some of these things can be of like the unearthing of a family secret, you know, a lot of times there's a lot of gifts in these big, like threshold moments. If we're open and present enough to actually get the gifts and get the wisdom.

Timing And Breaking Generational Patterns

Lisset 10:34

Yeah. What I love that she's experiencing like what you said hit like perfectly. The truth arises when the time is right.

Goddess Brittney 10:44

Yeah.

Lisset 10:45

You know, I'm a firm believer, and you guys have probably heard me hear this say this a bunch. And if you haven't, because it's your first podcast, the unconscious mind will bring something up when you're ready to deal with it. And I feel like the universe too, like you've been you've been prepping for this your whole life, which is why you're hearing this at 40. You know, and so if it's coming up for you, it's coming up for you so that you can get the wisdom, you can hold it together, and you can break the generational curses of whatever's going on. You don't have to pass this on to your children by being the one who says, I've got this. I'm alchemizing whatever pain, whatever trauma, I'm breaking out of the codependent pattern that um has been taught to me. You know, uh, there's there's certain family dynamics, you know. I yeah, I come from a from a Latin family and certain family systems reward self-abandonment.

Goddess Brittney 11:47

I definitely feel that as a black family, you know. Yeah, I mean, it can happen in any color family. Like in literally, it's all the families are like we have a culture here and we'd like you to abandon yourself.

Lisset 11:58

Yes, absolutely. You're supposed to be the good daughter, you're supposed to do the good things and never ask, never ask questions, like do what you're told. And so you're getting this now as someone who's 40, as like when we're 40, the fucks we stop giving. You're just a baby. I don't know. Yeah, you're almost there. You know what it's like.

Goddess Brittney 12:23

I do know what it's like to be eldest daughter. You're like, I will burn this shit to the ground.

Lisset 12:28

Exactly. And so you're in a space where you don't have to abandon who you are. You claimed it. You said you were strong, you're you're someone you've never been before. Thank you for the shout out of working with us because that is available to people. Yeah. And you sound so empowered. You definitely are someone who has moved through life. And whatever this news is, you're receiving it now because it's time, because you are in the position to meet it with a with the tools that you've been given, you know. And I'm and I'm here to remind you of

Forgiveness Tools And Ho'oponopono

Lisset 13:08

your tools. Like there is something to be said about doing how oponopon, doing the forgiveness work before you even go into the conversation.

Goddess Brittney 13:16

Yeah.

Lisset 13:17

And every day after the conversation, until the energy is clean, and it doesn't always have to be clean on both sides, it just needs to be clean and clear on your side so that you can keep carrying on as a strong, powerful woman that you are.

Goddess Brittney 13:31

Yeah. Forgiveness is so powerful. Um, well, the story's coming through. For those who do not know, I was molested as a child, and I didn't know this for a large part of my life. Um, and as I started my healing journey, it became clear to me that this had happened, but I had no memories about this. And one night, uh, all the memories flooded back, and I was crying. And Lisette led me through Ho'Pono Pono with my grandfather, who was the perpetrator of this experience. And when she led me through, I had such a powerful, undeniable experience of really forgiving and remembering like that we were all one and that there was a cosmic soup, and I'm here for a lesson. And there was just so much there were soul contracting.

Lisset 14:18

Yeah, there was soul contract.

Goddess Brittney 14:19

There was wisdom, there was all these things, but I actually truly was able to forgive. And it just freed me and it freed my life. So forgiveness is not something you do for the other person, it's something that you do for yourself. And because I was able to forgive him, it let go of a lot of other baggage that I was holding around men and all these other things where my life was completely transformed because I chose to forgive and let go of the pain that it was actually causing me, you know, and in the words of Tupac, like I want you to eat, you don't have to eat at my table. It wasn't like, hey, we need to like hang out. Um and and I was able to change my life because I chose to forgive.

Lisset 15:07

Yeah. So the tool of hoopono pono, the tool of forgiveness, the tool of truly forgiving them, asking for their forgiveness for all things known and unknown, intentional and unintentional. And remembering that everyone is doing their best with the resources they had. Yeah. With everybody with the resources they've been given, with the resources they're taught. And so we come from a different generation. You know, if you're in your 40s, your parents are in a way different generation. Yeah. And that generation wasn't doing therapy. Let's be honest with you. Let's be honest

Reframing Family Lies And Codependency

Lisset 15:40

with you.

Goddess Brittney 15:40

Well, I also want to say, like, in my family, there you said there was a lie. In my family, there were big lies and lots of lies, like where it's like, how does everybody know except for this one person or these few people or all these different things? And, you know, what I've come to learn, not that it was right, but again, people were doing the best they could with the resources they had. And a lot of times someone thought this lie will protect more than it will hurt. Yeah. You know, that's what I feel. Like this will protect more, this will make things better more than it will hurt. And so, not that it makes what anyone's actions did right, but even just opening your mind to people are doing the best they could with the resources they have. And where do we go from here? So, like you asked, you're like, how do I use this to propel me into my next chapter? Which I think is like the sauce, the juice. Like you're already in the space of wanting to alchemize it and being like, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna let this take me down. I'm gonna let this be fuel to create me being, as you said, stronger, healthier, happier me. Yes. And like, what does that look like?

Lisset 16:49

Yeah, and that is that's one of the points is like, no matter what you've been through, you deserve an incredible life. And this lie may rearrange some things, it may um change your history a bit, and that doesn't change your future. You are still in this moment in the most control of your present and your future. You can't actually change the past, like who you are is who you are, and so owning that and knowing that you who you are is is immovable and what you've been through, you already have your life experience and has made you who you are. And so this new piece of information is just information and data. And what you've been asking, like what you're asking to release is that codependency. And I think there's a really beautiful, maybe it's coming to the light for that specifically, for you to unravel and unwind that wound so that you can live the rest of your life the most empowered.

Goddess Brittney 17:53

Yes, and the which you mentioned about like parenting them, you know, uh being a parentified child is a struggle, you know, and it happens to a lot of us, and you know, just the dynamics of all of the different stories of what it means to be a good child and all the things like that. Yes. It's what an opportunity for you to create a new relationship and a new dynamic with you and your parents. Also, um, if you're someone who has children, like to be able to model that to your children or even just other family members, or even how just for yourself, being like, I get to choose a different experience and I'm choosing so now. So yeah.

The Good Daughter Wound And Grief

Lisset 18:36

Yeah. There was something we didn't talk about, but I kind of heard in here like the possibility of like a good daughter wound. Do you do you have any familiarity with that?

Goddess Brittney 18:47

Yes, yes. Like, I mean, uh, as I said, I was the I'm the eldest daughter, and there was always just I felt so much pressure to like be good and like do the right things. Also, my dad was a minister, so I'm a PK at Patsy Passenger's kid. So there was just like it felt like eyes on me, you know, like might as well have been like a political family, you know. Like it was just it felt it felt very that way of like there was like a presentation. And if you weren't being the presentation, then you were bad. Yeah. And so I have had a lot to do of unconditioning, like what it means to be a good daughter. And, you know, one of my biggest healing moments around this was when my mom got diagnosed with stage four cancer. Yeah. And my family, like, you know, it rocked us. And there was this intense um narrative that I felt of this is what it means to grieve. This is what it means to be a good daughter, this is what you like, this is you need to do X, Y, Z. And that means you're good. I'll never forget. I for a moment I was like, hey, I'm gonna, I told my landlord, I'm gonna sublet my apartment so that someone else can move in because my mom is sick and I'm gonna go take care of her. And his response back was, you're a good daughter. I'll allow it. Like, you know what I mean? Like you're a good, like it was just like you're not even part of the family, but it's like everywhere of like stereo. Right, like this is what you have to do and this is what it means. And when my mom got sick, you know, it was the beginning of my spiritual awakening, but like I'd had no like psychedelic or any out-of-worldly things, but her long started talking to me, and they were like, you have to choose to live, you have to choose joy, like, you know, choose something. And so for me, it just really landed in such a soft space in my heart, and I started choosing joy, and I made a lot of decisions that my family of origin really did not agree with. They were like, You're spending time being happy, that is not how we grieve. That does not mean you're a good daughter, you're not essentially abandoning yourself, um, lowering yourself, inconveniencing yourself, or um stopping your life and going to full martyrdom. Therefore, you're not a good daughter. And I refused to take that on. I was like, I'm choosing to do something different, and I believe I am still honoring my mother, and I believe that to this day. And, you know, it was it was intense, y'all. It was intense, it was intense, and I still did it, and I I got stronger and I grew into a more full version of me because I can hold both of those truths and not allow myself to be um stampeded based on what other people believe is the right thing to do. And it maybe was right for them. It was not right for me.

Lisset 21:43

Yeah, yeah. Man, I am still so curious what happened. Maybe it's not a business. It's not our business, I guess. You know, I am I am outgrowing. I'm maturing and like somewhere deep inside, the one who loves cheese still in there. And it's all good.

Trust Yourself And Closing Prompts

Lisset 22:06

Yeah. You know, what more than anything, Jenny, in your message, I just know you're gonna handle this like a boss. Like I'm not even worried about you in this realm because you have this self-awareness of you have this self-awareness of where you know you're going and what you're dictating is going to be the result. And that is more powerful than anything you're about to learn or experience. And I trust in your ability to get through this more than anything. Like great, great work on this.

Goddess Brittney 22:39

Yeah. And like, like you said, you're gonna allow this to continue to support you in growing. So, you know, I am a strong believer. Wherever we set an intention, that is where the universe is pointing us and directing us. And it's just like you setting a powerful intention of like, this is going to be for me on my path. This is gonna make me more of who I am. This is gonna support me being stronger, healthier, happier. Me, like then it has no other choice but then to move that way. And my two cents is can you be present in that movement, in that transformation energy as that is who you're becoming? Because that's what you said you're becoming.

Lisset 23:17

So yeah. I I well, please, please, please keep us updated on this.

Goddess Brittney 23:22

Yes, we'd love to hear more and always would love to see you at any of the things that we host.

Lisset 23:27

Absolutely. Do you want to do any sponsorship spots or anything or just kind of yeah? Yeah, just call it all right, cool. Let's uh like 23. Yeah, that's right. Let's close it out with a like, describe, and all that, subscribe and all that stuff.

Goddess Brittney 23:42

Yeah. Uh let's keep it super short.

Lisset 23:45

Okay, great. Um well, excellent. If you have a question, please give us a call in 971-895-4111, or you can message us at once feedback podcast on Instagram. Oh, while you're listening to this, like, subscribe, share with a friend. And until we meet again, be honest with each other. Bye.