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Honest Feedback
Honest Feedback offers compassionate support, advice and new perspectives on navigating life's challenges.
Honest Feedback
When Your Big Life Triggers Small Reactions: What to Say Instead of Shrinking
What do you do when your big, vibrant, joy-filled life bumps up against someone else’s “I could never”? In this episode, we break down how to stay rooted in your truth when people react to your sequins, pink walls, late-night dancing, solo travel, or personal expansion with disbelief and limitation. This conversation was inspired by a listener voicemail asking for kind, empowering responses when people shrink themselves in front of her — and we delivered.
Using NLP principles like respecting someone’s map of the world and clean pattern interrupts like a grounded “Okay,” we show you exactly how to avoid taking on other people’s stories, projections, or scarcity. You’ll learn the difference between preference and fear, how to identify the subtle ways people try to enroll you in their smallness, and how to respond without collapsing or defending.
We also offer compassionate, possibility-inviting lines and a handful of savage Sagittarius burns for when the universe demands a boundary with glitter on it.
You’ll walk away with:
- Energy-protecting scripts
- Mindset reframes to stop taking things personally
- Clear ways to stay off duty when people want coaching you didn’t offer
- What it means to live big in a world conditioned for small
- How to become narcissist-proof, mediocrity-proof, and projection-proof in your daily life
This episode is for anyone who’s ever been judged, side-eyed, or energetically tugged downward for wanting more, dreaming bigger, or simply choosing joy. Your desires are holy. Your bigness is a blessing. And your example can inspire without over-explaining.
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Honest Feedback was created by Brittney King and Lisset King.
Note: Honest Feedback Podcast aims to provide insights and provoke thoughtful reflection. The opinions expressed in this episode are for informational purposes only and should not replace professional advice.
Please send us your questions by leaving a voicemail at 971-895-4111, DM us on instagram @honestfeedbackpodcast or email us at thekings@honestfeedbackpodcast.com
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I want a big life.
unknown:Yeah.
Goddess Brittney:I want a big life. They don't want a big life. Can I be okay? Can I be okay with someone else not wanting a life as big as mine?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Goddess Brittney:You know? I just know I'm not meant for a small life. I'm out here doing big shit, making big things happen, and I like surrounding myself with other people who are it love that frequency. That's not everybody's frequency. And so how can I not take it personally? But it's like, what if it's not personal? What if they just like a small life? Welcome to Honest Feedback, the podcast where deep truth meets bold transformation. I'm Goddess Brittany King, a pleasure priestess and a transformational retreat facilitator who helps women connect to their deepest truths, reclaim their pleasure, and awaken their inner power.
Lisset:And I'm Lisette King, an emotional ninja and transformational coach who helps leaders release baggage, heal unresolved trauma, and step into their most aligned, purposeful lives. We've created this podcast for spirit-led individuals just like you. Seekers of truth, personal growth, and meaningful connection. Whether you're navigating life's big questions, craving more joy and fulfillment, or simply looking for honest, relatable conversations, you're in the right place. Welcome back to another episode of Honest Feedback. Babe, doesn't it feel good to be back?
Goddess Brittney:It does. It does. Every time. Every time. Every time.
Lisset:I feel like we're coming back because we've got some voice memos up in the call.
Goddess Brittney:Just like oh, people left voice notes. I mean, not even voice notes. What do you call it? A voicemail. We call them all voice notes now that the way that the new iOS like organized them, it's all in one little thread. Anyhow, people called in and we got their voices. I love it. That feels it feels like classic honest feedback. It looks, it feels like people are listening and responding. Thank you.
Lisset:Thank you. So, you know, I just kind of want to plant the seed here. We love that. We love we love hearing your voice. We love hearing your voice. It gives us the opportunity to interface with it and feel the intonation. Yes, and your energy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm really excited. And the topic today is what, Brittany?
Goddess Brittney:Settling and mediocrity.
Lisset:Yeah.
Goddess Brittney:Faves of mine.
Lisset:Yep, absolutely. So do you want to listen to the voicemail?
Goddess Brittney:Well, yeah, let's just jump right in. Let's just jump in. Let's just jump right in. Okay.
Speaker:Hi, ladies. Um, my name is Kenny. He, her pronouns. And I first of all just want to say thank you so much for your podcast. I love it. And it's I've gotten so many gems from it and appreciate it. So my question is I'm a mid-40s woman and I'm living my best life, keeps getting better, doing all the things, loving it. And I'm starting to notice sometimes when I talk to people about it, the things that are just going on in my life. Whether it's some people like, you know, wearing frequencies during the day, or, you know, painting a room in my house pink because I want to. Or something bigger, like going dancing all night, or, you know, going being out going, making new friends, inviting them over, traveling for something like that. A common response for people that they give me is I can never do that. Oh, I don't know how you can. And I'm just thinking, I want to have a response for these people that are kind and polite. And also just letting them know you can. You can do anything. You could. If you wanted to, you could do it. So far, I tried out different responses, and I think it comes across a little funny. But guide me, give me some examples. What are some ways to inspire people to see this? You can do whatever you want. There's no limitations. Thank you so much. And look forward to hearing your answer.
Goddess Brittney:Oh Kenny, you called into the right people. Inspiration. I mean, you're all about limitless possibilities. That's right.
Lisset:Well, I I'm gonna jump in because she did ask for kind, which is funny because in my mind, all these like slapbacks came back as she was telling me these things. Uh the sag in me, yeah. The really desires to just, you know, be fierce with it. Yeah. And at the same time, the question was how what are some kind, loving responses? Yeah.
Goddess Brittney:And well, can I ask you first? Have you ever had this experience where people say reflect to you like, oh, I can never do that?
Lisset:Yeah. Yeah. A lot of clients.
Goddess Brittney:Very true. Yeah.
Lisset:Like literally, people are constantly trying to sell me on their limitations, and I don't receive them. And so something that's really important I want you to understand, Kenny, is what P these people need is a pattern interrupt. You need to interrupt their pattern. And there's a few ways. Let me backtrack a little bit. First of all, there's there's this concept called respecting their map of the world. Okay. It's one of the presuppositions of NLP. And it's respecting their map of the world means they actually believe that's true. Yeah. With every ounce of their being, they would not be saying it unless they believed it was true. And that's everyone is just sharing their truth with you as they speak. And so one thing is to go, oh, like, like allow yourself to be compassionate in that moment and check in, like, wow, this person actually believes they could never.
Goddess Brittney:And you know, like sorry, the chills of that, just like that's what they actually believe. Yeah.
Lisset:And and like the the next question I would ask them is like, well, would you want to? Would would you want to be open to that possibility? Like, I have play clothes, I have all these things. Like, I actually love sharing my light and I love doing these things. Would you like to go dance all night? You know, like is it something that you want? Because if you don't want it, oh my God, I respect that.
Goddess Brittney:Oh, look at that.
Lisset:You know, if you don't want it, I respect that. But if you actually want to get a night out and you just need to get coverage for the kids or something, like let's let's find a way to make it work. So, in in a way, you're stepping into their life and getting curious.
Speaker 1:Getting curious, yeah.
Lisset:And and I know as someone who has like so fiercely had to defend my lifestyle, you know, and being a gay?
Goddess Brittney:No.
Lisset:Yes. First off, being a gay. The more gays you hang out with, the less it's uh you have to be a good idea. Yeah. Um, but more than being a gay, being joyfully a gay. Yes.
Goddess Brittney:Actually, yeah, in my experience of the world, the thing that's more under attack is me being happy and living a life that I actually want to live versus me being a woman or gay. But that's my experience of the world.
Lisset:100%. And and so when I'm talking to people like this, first of all, I can't come with the clapbacks. That's not how you that's not how you convert a client. You just you just have to go, oh yeah, no, I totally understand. Like, do you want more? Could you want more? You know, and get curious. If there's an opening for do they want more, then you can lean into the sacred invite of the joyous life. Maybe they can't handle the fire hose that is your joy, Kenny. You know, I'm not a go dance all night kind of girl. I used to be, you know, in my 20s. I I would like to go all night, yeah, on the next day. And that's just not who I am today. And I love that this is how you live your life. And and sequence, yes, I'm all about what you're how you live your life. And there's just, I know myself. And I know myself, and and my ability to enjoy life is might be very different, and their ability to enjoy life might be very different. You can go, well, what do you like to do for fun? Rather than go than then have to tell them and enroll them into your lifestyle. Go, what do you like to do for fun? They might have a totally different idea. Oh, I love taking my kids to the park, or I love play dates with other parents, or you know, I don't know what other adults do.
Goddess Brittney:But puzzles, puzzles, puzzles, you know. Um anime, uh, watching K-pop.
Lisset:Yeah, they're infinite things.
Goddess Brittney:Pinging Gilmore girls.
Lisset:Exactly. So my invitation for you, Kenny, is to to allow yourself to get curious about what it is that they they like or they or they don't like.
Goddess Brittney:This episode of Honest Feedback is sponsored by me, goddess Brittany King, and you are invited to the turned on membership. This is a high-frequency space curated by me so you can live your most turned-on joy-filled life. If you've ever had an experience where there's something that you desire, there's something that you want, and maybe you've taken a step forward, but life starts to get lifey and you find yourself back in the old patterns and not able to connect with that future you so desire, this space is for you. I'm going to be dropping almost daily audio drops with high frequency conversations, messages, reminders so you can tune in to who the fuck you actually are and what you really want to create. This is going to be an incredible space that is nourishing, high vibrational women supporting each other and cheering each other on, and me leading you and reminding you what is possible when you live in limitless possibilities. The doors are open now and close November 30th. If you are interested, go to goddess Britney King.com slash turned on to sign up today. You can play monthly, or if you sign up for a quarterly membership, you get an incredible vibey dope cup called I Am Turned On. I'm so excited to be drinking out of my ritual cup that says I am turned on. Are you ready to live a turned on life? Your life is waiting for you. Well, okay, this is what I feel from what you shared, Kenny. And it's like the energy of the thing of the I could never. Yeah. And like if to in my experience, when I feel the clutching of the pearls, there's like this judgment-ish energy. Not that they're judging you, but it's like this, I could never. You can do like, and it's like this weird tension point where it causes you of like, uh, I just I want them to know that they could. So I like want to see you and honor you in this place of like, I want, I enjoy this energy of expansion. And like, it's so startling to just hear the like really hard shutdown on expansion, on joy, on love, on pleasure. And for myself personally, I had this journey, similarly, of like learning how to respect people's maps of the world, where I was just really excited about having a big life. And I had a group of friends, and like we would literally be like, oh, let's like make this thing, or like we're gonna do a web series, or we're gonna start a YouTube channel and blah, blah. But what it came down to was like no one actually really wanted those things. And the things that they wanted were just a simpler life. And what I had to get clear with was like, oh, I want a big life. Yeah, I want a big life. They don't want a big life. Can I be okay? Clutch. Can I be okay with someone else not wanting a life as big as mine?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Goddess Brittney:You know, I just know I'm not meant for a small life. I'm out here doing big shit, making big things happen. And I like surrounding myself with other people who are it love that frequency. That's not everybody's frequency. And so how can I not take it personally? Because I feel like the energy is just like when the I can never, it's really easy to take it personally because you're feeling like they're judging you in some kind of way, of like, I have to take it personally. That, but it's like, what if it's not personal? What if they just like a small life?
Lisset:Yeah. What's that white lotus line?
Goddess Brittney:Oh, oh at this age, I just don't think I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life. Thank you, Parker Posey. Like that, but it's just like, I mean, at any at with this point in my healing journey, I'm not meant to live a small fucking life. Yes. You know, I you can hear my energy about it, but it's like, I was just like, oh, they want a small life. So can I take like the fierceness of it of just like they just want a small life? And that's that's fine. And so something like she said, a pattern interrupt. Um, this is one that gets a lot of uh people in our friend group, and I feel like it got you before too. Yeah.
Lisset:Yeah. So so our favorite one, and we may have shared it before, but it bears repeating is when someone is speaking, they're just telling you their reality. And so you don't actually have to take it in. And Britney is it's so simple.
Speaker 1:I just go, okay.
Lisset:And that gets under my skin like no other.
Goddess Brittney:But like when you don't push back on their map of the world, you just go, okay. Then they someone is usually used to fighting for their limitations. I think this was one of your ex-partners or someone who said this. She was like, when you say okay to me, like I was so ready to defend because that's what I'm used to doing, because someone usually will say something back. So then you have to defend it. So then you get even more adamant about your smallness. And when I would just say, okay, it's like, well, there's nothing to fight against. So then you start going, wait, why am I fighting for this shit?
Lisset:Yeah, why am I okay with am I really okay with the smallness? Yeah. You know, and if and if this conversation is lighting you up, listener, you know, ooh, yay. Juicy. We love that. And you know, what's really funny is the first time we listened to this message, we're like, you know, be like because I felt them. I felt the fierceness of the clapbacks. You know, I was like, what if we just want a little savage? I do. What are some comebacks that might be just a little more savage?
Goddess Brittney:Okay, okay. We can go into savage. I thought I had something more compassionate to say first.
Lisset:Yeah.
Goddess Brittney:Let me just check in.
Lisset:Check into your soul deep inside. Okay. Oh, yeah, there's another one. Um, I mean, this starts to slip into savageness, but one that comes from my my first wife, Lynn Lynn Moore. Oh, she had this habit, it would drive me nuts with the most loving, but it was a great pattern interrupt. I would come, I would say a problem. She goes, Oh, I remember when I used to have that problem. And I'd be like, You motherfucker. I remember feeling angry about it and also going, Yeah, this is something I don't have to have anymore. So it was like it was this, it you would say it was just such a smugness about her.
Goddess Brittney:Well, I feel like this is how she said it to me one time. She was like, Taste your hand, she'd be like, I remember when I used to put limits on myself. Like it's literally, you just repeat their words back to them. I could never. It's like I remember when I used to think I could never do things I wanted. Yeah, it is kind. It is kind, it is kind, it is loving. And like it, it's it's only savage in the way of like that is something that will explode in someone else's mind if they allow it to for days, for days, if not lifetimes, because it's true, it is true, and it's it's allow it's the pattern interrupt to allow something to get in. So I feel like we've yeah, we've said some very kind and compassionate ones. Would you guys like to hear Savage Mote? Some savage, some Sagittarius, you know, just light it up. I call them real Hild's Wives things, where it's just like someone says something on the real Hal'swives, and it's like boom, boom, and you hear it in other episodes and it just becomes iconic. Let's let's fucking go.
Lisset:Let's just fucking like it.
Goddess Brittney:Okay, we wrote something down.
Lisset:Okay, good, great. Okay. Oh, I didn't realize self-abandonment was a personality type. Damn. I get it. Freedom isn't for everyone.
Goddess Brittney:Ooh, next level. You're right. You probably couldn't. You're right.
Lisset:You probably couldn't.
Goddess Brittney:Okay. I'd slow down to your vibe, but I'm allergic to mediocrity.
Lisset:I mean, I mean that's a little cold-blooded. These, these, you know, you might end the relationship, but you know, you say I could never. Like it's a badge of honor instead of a cry for help. Right? Exactly. Exactly. Oh, you sound exhausted from all that settling. Oh, don't, don't, don't.
Goddess Brittney:Oh, meme where the girls just fall down. Like, you sound exhausted from all that settling. Mm-hmm. Pick your jaw up off the floor.
Lisset:I enjoy this one. Okay. My sequins have done more shadow work than you.
unknown:Ooh!
Lisset:If they don't know what shadow work is, which at this rate they probably don't. They might not. Um, you keep telling yourself that.
Goddess Brittney:That's it. That's it. You keep telling yourself that. You keep telling yourself that. Because someone has to go, oh my God, I'm telling myself that. I literally keep telling myself I can't do that. You just keep telling, and you can say it in all sorts of times. You keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself that. Yeah. You keep telling yourself that. You keep telling yourself that. I'll be over here in Miami at the four seasons with my drinks. I'll be in Europe. I'll be painting my house. I'll be doing the things that make me happy.
Lisset:I feel like that's a good fucking all-purpose one. Like I'll be in Miami. Yes, I'll be in Miami. It's just like you keep telling yourself that. Yeah. And you just kind of walk away from it. Yeah. You know, that that isn't a conversation ender.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Lisset:You know, because uh honestly, Kenny, do you want to be around these people? Like, like, do you and sometimes we can't help it. They're our family, you know. So sometimes, but like if it's someone uh IRL, I I have something since I've done this that last retreat in Austin is I've become really okay with people not being in my vibe. Yeah. You know, some people, I'm their practitioner, other people, they can't, yeah. They can't come to this level, and that's okay. And with relationships, you can't come to this level, and that's okay. I don't, you know, mad love, respect. I love you. I just don't have to like everyone.
Goddess Brittney:Yes, you don't have to like everyone. I I love what you brought into the space because what it invites is it's okay for certain people to not be on your level, and maybe they're not in your close circle, you know? Yeah. What you're mentioning is people sharing these experiences with you where it's like, we're in public, and it's like that might be literally people in your friend group. I've navigated those kinds of friend situations where you're like, wow, they're just playing a completely different game, and I don't play that game anymore. And so sometimes there's like this compassion part where you're like, I want to help. And then sometimes, like, I don't know if you do kind of this stuff for work or not, but like sometimes I'm like, I'm not on duty right now, so I'm not gonna deal with this, you know. Like, I'm like, I'm not, I'm not, they're not paying me to challenge them on their belief or to expand them in this way. And so, like, what if you gave yourself permission of like, what if it's not my responsibility to expand them? What if I just say, okay, you keep believing that and walk away in my disco ball life, and me living my life is all I need to do to fuck their shit up. You know what I mean? Like, not fuck it up, but like light their shit up, you know? Like when people get lit up about things is because they're like, oh, there's something I want over there, but I feel like I can't have it, and da-da-da-da-da.
Lisset:And it's not your it's not your place to lift them into or invite them into your circle, especially if that's not the vibe. Again, we can always go back to the beginning of that curiosity. Yeah. You know, that the curiosity of what is it? Why are they saying this? Do they do they want to know more? Yeah. That might be the end of their conversation. That might be their, oh, I could never. Yeah, you're making me uncomfortable. You know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. And can you have enough self-respect and self-love to just be like, not my circus, not my monkeys?
Goddess Brittney:Right. And it's uh something that I've noticed for myself. Um, I mean, it's gotten more and loud louder over the years, but as I've expanded and up leveled my vibration, those I meet new people who are also in that frequency. And I have to be okay with letting go of those who aren't. Um, if it doesn't feel good. You know, when there's certain experiences where you're just like, oh, every time I talk to this person, it's nonstop. I could never. It's just like it's a lot of smallness, and that shit's contagious. It's sticky. It's like fear or scarcity or something I love to say is delete, delete, unsubscribe. Oh, yeah. I say that all the time. And I don't know if it's a savage burn so much as just what I say to people. Again, this is where the Aquarian part comes in. I'm just like delete, delete, unsubscribe. Like, I don't believe that. Don't put that on me, like ew, gross. No. Yeah, no, thank you. No, thank you. Oh, no, thank you. With so much of it, it's like, oh, I could never. No, thank you. No, thank you. What if they're like, what? It's like, oh no, I I'm I'm just not buying what you're selling. No, thank you.
Lisset:No, I don't want any of that. I'm not buying what you're selling. Yeah, we're not taking, I'm not taking on your reality. Oh, oh, that's not how it works in my reality.
Goddess Brittney:That's not how it works in my reality. Oh, please don't put on me your limit. Please don't put your limitations on me. Please don't put your limitations on me. Because then they start to realize, oh my god, these are my limitations. These are my limitations. Please don't put your limitations on me. Yeah. Yeah.
Lisset:It's it's just this isn't. This is savage. This is savage. No, just just being able to say all these things is just like that's that's not the life I'm living. Ooh. That's not the life I'm living. I love that one.
Goddess Brittney:That's not the life I'm living.
Lisset:Period. Yes. End stop, full stop. Period. And respecting, I just respect that that's your map of the world. That's just not the life I'm living. Like, legit, I'm good. Like, I the what I've created for myself is I, you know, someone told me I could create the life that I wanted, and I took that personally. And I fucking decided to create the best fucking possible life.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Lisset:That is for me.
Goddess Brittney:Yeah.
Lisset:You know, I know people that love to work, love, love, love working. They're like at it, you know, I'm six days a week, and then they wear it like a badge of honor. I my dream life is working two days a month. And I got to say that this last month. I'm like, oh, yes, I did it. I I did exactly what I said I wanted, and I created more wealth for my family than I ever had in the past. Yeah. You know, and that is Chef's kiss, my life. And that's not for everybody. Yeah. That's not the that's not the life for everybody. And it's the life that I created. And if someone goes, Whoa, you can do that, and sees it as a possibility, yeah. If I create a sense of possibility, if painting your room pink or wearing sequins creates a sense of possibility, their unconscious mind might reject it at first. And that's okay. You're not here to do their work. I'm not here to do their work unless they pay me very well, you know. And that is, you know, the rest of the time I'm off duty.
Goddess Brittney:This brings into mind um one of our financial teachers, Amanda Francis. Love her, get her book, get um rich as fuck. Yes. But she talks about when she met her partner, she was making six, seven figures. She has a seven, eight-figure business, and she was renting a house in Malibu. And the first thing he walked in, you know, saw the giant windows and stuff like that, and he said, I can be intimidated or I can be inspired. You can say that to it's like you can be intimidated or you can be inspired. Like someone is choosing to be intimidated and choosing to make themselves separate. You can be inspired and go, I can have this too. And so, you know, it's there if you want it. Um, and you don't it's not your responsibility to have to enroll people in a bigger life if you don't want to do it. Like you don't have to.
Lisset:Yeah, not everyone can sit at your table. Mm-hmm. Ain't that the truth? And that's okay. Like, like that's the thing is oftentimes we get stuck in this, like, oh, I wanna, I just want to pull everyone up. It's just like everybody is on their own journey. Yeah, every single person's on their own journey and they're and they're living the life that's perfect for them. I'm not, I just don't. Mediocrity makes my skin crawl. It's disgusting. The idea of it. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. Unsubscribe, delete, delete. And and what I believe is mediocre is totally different than someone else's mediocre. Someone might be living their dream life exactly as it is. You don't know. Just keep doing you. Your your authenticity, something that's coming through very deeply through your messaging is that you know who you are. Yeah, you know who you are, and it's fun. You're like fucking mid-40s, I'm going fucking ham. And all the circumstances in your life have led to you getting to live this joyous life now. Fucking do it. Sparkle, fucking spray sequins everywhere you go. Yes. And keep living it. And just know not everybody's gonna come with you, and that's okay. Mm-hmm.
Goddess Brittney:And you don't need to take on their limitations or allow them to rattle you. So feel free to use all of these. I would love to know how they go in the wild, and maybe like you're just like, oh, play with it.
Lisset:I would love to hear other people's sick burns. Oh, yes. And when you hear the type of the types of things that these this uh caller has dealt with, yeah. What what sick burns do you have? Yeah, what is what's your response? Oh, I can't wait to hear that. Juicy. Put it in the comments.
Goddess Brittney:Yes. Wow, this has just been such a fun episode. I I love this conversation. I feel like it's a real life. Hey, you can take this into the club, you know, like you can take this information directly into the streets, into your life, and use it in any kind of way because people are always talking to us from their experience and from their map of the world. And it can be just such an unconscious habit for people to project their their life and their limitations onto you. And, you know, just be aware of like when someone says, it's like, oh, you know. And it's like, no, I maybe I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know. Like, you know, I don't want to know. I don't want to know about that limitation, not at all.
Lisset:When people say you know, you know. And I'm like, no, actually, no. I don't. I don't, no, no, that doesn't not in my reality. Not my reality.
Goddess Brittney:So yeah, but I I love it. And we loved getting to hear your voice. So thank you, Kenny, so much for calling in. It was a pleasure to get to talk to you. And if you would like your question answered, you can give us a call at 971-895-4111. Leave us a voicemail, and we will answer it on the show.
Lisset:And before you go, yeah, please make sure you like, subscribe, share this podcast. If you enjoyed it, share with people. If you loved it, leave a five star review. Let's get this podcast out there. It's too good not to be successful. I know. Yeah. Yes. All right. And until we meet again, be honest with each other. Bye.
