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Honest Feedback
Honest Feedback offers compassionate support, advice and new perspectives on navigating life's challenges.
Honest Feedback
Am I A Slut?: How to own your desires with confidence
Have you ever considered the power dynamics behind the word 'slut'? Join us, Goddess Brittney King and Lisset King, as we challenge conventional wisdom and unravel the layers of societal norms that shape our understanding of sexual intimacy and identity. By sharing personal experiences, we confront the derogatory use of labels against women, while celebrating the capacity to love freely. This thought-provoking journey addresses the double standards that haunt our culture and invites you to redefine what these terms mean for you, emboldening you to live authentically and unapologetically.<br><br>This episode is a call to arms for open conversations about relationships and intimacy. We explore the importance of honesty and communication in navigating romantic partnerships, from redefining stigmatized terms to embracing the multifaceted nature of intimacy. Discover the liberating concept of relationship anarchy and the sacred nature of owning desires without guilt. By the end, we promise you'll leave with a refreshed perspective on pleasure and a toolkit to empower your journey towards personal fulfillment. Join us, engage in the dialogue, and help spread the message of living your truth without judgment.
Honest Feedback was created by Brittney King and Lisset King.
Note: Honest Feedback Podcast aims to provide insights and provoke thoughtful reflection. The opinions expressed in this episode are for informational purposes only and should not replace professional advice.
Please send us your questions by leaving a voicemail at 971-895-4111, DM us on instagram @honestfeedbackpodcast or email us at thekings@honestfeedbackpodcast.com
Keep up with the podcast by following us @HonestFeedbackPodcast on YouTube
What do you need to feel safe enough to be sexually intimate with me? Welcome to Honest Feedback, the podcast where deep truth meets bold transformation. I'm Goddess Brittany King, a pleasure priestess and a transformational retreat facilitator who helps women connect to their deepest truths, reclaim their pleasure and awaken their inner power.
Lisset King:And I'm Lissette King, an emotional ninja and transformational coach who helps leaders release baggage, heal unresolved trauma and step into their most aligned, purposeful lives.
Goddess Brittney King:We've created this podcast for spirit-led individuals just like you, Seekers of truth personal growth and meaningful connection.
Lisset King:Whether you're navigating life's big questions, craving more joy and fulfillment, or simply looking for honest, relatable conversations, you're in the right place.
Goddess Brittney King:Through personal stories, actionable advice and transformative insights. Our ultimate goal is to empower you to create a life that's overflowing with pleasure, purpose and authenticity. We know you're capable of incredible things, things.
Lisset King:So let's make it happen together. Welcome back to Honest Feedback. We have missed you. Well, it's only been two weeks but still we miss you all the same. Today, we've got a juicy topic for you. What are we talking about today?
Goddess Brittney King:What are we talking about today? Am I a slut? Are you? Am I a slut? Am I Maybe? Who knows? Who knows? Well, Google defines slut as having many sexual partners and they labeled it as offensive, but they felt like they tried to put it as an usual Many sexual partners In this moment. According to this definition, I would not qualify. I do not qualify.
Lisset King:How about you, Based on this definition, in this current moment in time, while we are recording this episode? I am not a slut.
Goddess Brittney King:Darn it, darn it. You've got to remember these things. Must remember, must remember. Oh no, but slut is such a particular term and it can be really derogatory to women.
Goddess Brittney King:I remember I was working at BuzzFeed and I casually referred to someone as a slut Like you know how, regina George, like she's a fugly slut and like you know what I was just using it in a casual, like I didn't mean malice with it, but I did definitely was like she's a slut. Um, and this other woman really challenged me to think about that word and she was like well, what do you mean by that and why are you choosing to refer to this woman that way? And she was like I feel like a slut is one who gives her love freely, so why are we demonizing that? And like other people who were sitting at this table were like girl, like don't give her a hard time, like just blah, blah, blah. But her and I connected and I was like I see you, girl, you're giving me an opportunity to be bigger, be better. I will take this and I will reflect on why I've been using this in this like casual derogatory.
Lisset King:And it's such a loaded word because no one ever thinks like it's such a double standard. It's mainly toward women.
Goddess Brittney King:Yes.
Lisset King:You know, because when men have multiple partners, he's a player, he's. I don't know do the kids still use that word?
Goddess Brittney King:I don't know.
Lisset King:He gets a lot of credit. Yeah, like he's got game or't know. Do the kids still use that word? I don't know? He gets a lot of credit. Yeah, like you know, like he's got game or something. I am dating myself with my terminology.
Goddess Brittney King:Well, you know something I just realized? They do it like the way that you know there's like the NBA, and then there's like the WNBA. Yeah, they do it.
Lisset King:It's like she, it's like slut or male slut slut, like the de facto yeah is woman, yeah, so like yeah, yeah, and so it's just. It's this opportunity to take back this word anyway, and today's episode is sponsored by our very own goddess, britney king yes, what you got for us, babe.
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Lisset King:What do you think Should we answer that question? Yes, okay.
Goddess Brittney King:Am I a slut? I've been patiently waiting for the woman I've been dating to be ready to progress physically. She was burned pretty badly by the men she was with before me. I've been what I think is very patient. Our chemistry is great. I dream and fantasize about her and us. It's been about five months we have been dating in earnest and I am more than ready. Help am.
Goddess Brittney King:I a slut? Well, this writer, she's she heart. So we're gonna use those pronouns as we've already started talking about. Slut is just such a word that's tied into our culture as being derogatory about women and like what if it isn't?
Lisset King:you know, one of the things that I love is the book the ethical slut when I first got into polyamory, that was my first assignment from my poly friend. They're like read Ethical Slut and I read it by Dossie Eason and Janet Hardy and I loved the way they redefined the term slut as anyone who celebrates their sexuality and engages in consensual pleasurable experiences without guilt or societal constraints.
Lisset King:By that definition I qualify I am a slut, I too am a slut based on those qualifications and for one thing, you even asking that question I can feel the energy of it You're making yourself wrong for your desires. And my invitation is what if you didn't have the guilt? What if you didn't put the constraints of yourself? It's just, you have desires for your partner. And that's you're allowed to have desires for your partner. When there was a lesser version of me, she existed for a while.
Goddess Brittney King:As we all do. Yeah, I had this policy.
Lisset King:I'm like if we ain't fucking, we ain't dating. And I was very firm on that, you know I would end up in these relationships and as I got into the realm of polyamory, my relationships did start getting more nuanced. I did have a relationship that was mostly platonic, like we would make out and cuddle and do things and and we never dove into the deeper intimacy or mix the fluids. And yet I deeply love this partner.
Lisset King:And what I allowed myself to do in that time was she was one of many partners. We had this beautiful emotional intimacy that we were able to share. And then I had other partners that I was having, you know, that kind of sex with.
Lisset King:So, there's a really beautiful opportunity for you to redefine this relationship and ask like hey, you know I have, I love our connection, I love our chemistry, I am patiently here for you and is this something that you'd be willing to move into? Or should I? Can we redefine it as maybe we have this relationship and it's more on the asexual side and, you know, really question yourself Are you good with that? Are you good having a friendship with this person that doesn't involve sex? We want to be fully transparent and find a place where you're being honest and open and still say is like, I've been patient, I'm into the connection, you're really honoring this person's autonomy, you're building this great foundation of trust and respect and consent.
Goddess Brittney King:And so, like, all of these things are like, yum, yum, yum, yes, yes, yes. And there's an opportunity to have an honest conversation about like. There's an opportunity to have an honest conversation about like, what do we want this relationship to be? How do you determine what is a romantic partnership for you? And I want you to absolutely hold the space of like, your feelings, your desire, what you are feeling is absolutely normal and it's not wrong. It's not wrong to have sexual desire, sexual urge, particularly for someone you're attracted to and in a romantic, whatever situation, flirtation, relationship with. So, from the place of not making yourself wrong, not making your desires wrong, opening the space to have a deeper and honest conversation about sex and sexuality and what you each need and desire from what you would consider a romantic relationship and this got me thinking something that is a really powerful question that you can introduce in this conversation is what do you need to feel safe enough to be sexually intimate with me? And ask your person this question and maybe they have considered this or maybe they haven't.
Goddess Brittney King:I know as someone who was previously navigating trauma and PTSD responses and all sorts of things. There have been moments where it's like, oh, there's freeze or like I'm not sure. Like it was a yes, it's a no now. And I mean even and I'm not saying this is your situation, but Lissette was the first woman I was dating and I felt very nervous about opening up the space of being that kind of sexual. I was like, well, I've never done this before and, like, for those who are new to the WLW, sometimes it can, people who do not know what that means, that means women loving women. I was going to say for my straighties, my straight friends, but there can be a lot of new ones. So it's a great place to reflect for both you and for her, of like, what do I need to feel safe enough to be sexually intimate? And this does not have to be a question that's just for, hey, I'm new to dating women. I think it's a question we should all be asking ourselves before we're exchanging fluids A hundred percent you know.
Lisset King:That reminds me of. There have been times, even in the context of our relationship, where we were moving, healing, and something happened and it was like, oh, I need a little space to move through this. And we created space which sometimes felt like months, as we were navigating like, oh my gosh, I'm processing this new thing that I had never dealt with before, I've never gave it this name before, and now I need to. I need a little space sexually to move through this. And we were able to hold space for each other because we knew that the sexual attraction was there, we knew that we would come back to it and we were still being loving and patient for each other while we navigated that space. So it sounds to me like you've done such a beautiful job of that. My invitation to you is to reevaluate your relationship with the word slut.
Lisset King:Like being a slut in the progressive sense. It's about embracing and celebrating your desires. And so, instead of making it wrong that you have these desires, have them while still creating emotional safety and consent for the woman that you love. And as long as you're being patient in that space, when the time does come and you do get to the other side of it, it will be so beautiful and yummy and juicy.
Lisset King:It will be worth the wait 100% if that is the direction where this relationship is going, but it's going to take a really deep conversation of you sharing where you are and I would say, share every bit of it, share your desires, your fantasies, how you're so ready to experience this with this person and you're being patient with them.
Goddess Brittney King:Yeah, I love it. I love it. There's so much yumminess and this is an opportunity like, be honest, be honest. Sometimes, in our quest to hold space for others, we're like, well, I'm going to open the space for them to be honest, but I'm not going to really be honest about what I feel or what I would desire. And so how can you, with like no push, no agenda, no, this has to mean something share what it is that you would desire or what might be okay for you.
Goddess Brittney King:So I'm wondering, based on your question, it has led me to believe there's not sexual intimacy. Are there other kinds of intimacy that are being formed, that are feeling nourishing for you? Can we celebrate those things and then incorporate them into some kind of physical acts of affection, like, is kissing okay, is holding hands okay, okay. Is naked cuddling okay? Like starting to even just get curious and asking there's something, um, in relationship anarchy, called the, the smorgasbord, and it just kind of has all these different kinds of activities. And so it's like what if we bring about like all different kinds of touch? What if there's non-sex, non-penetrative sexual touch? Would that be okay? You know, sometimes people think of sex as like all or nothing, like if there's not a p and a v, then they don't count, and like I mean I'm gay, so I just don't subscribe to that narrative.
Lisset King:There's just so much more.
Goddess Brittney King:There's so much more, and then's so much more. And then it's like can we explore what pleasure might be like together? Are we open to mutual masturbation next to each other, being in the space of being intimate and vulnerable in this way, without necessarily touching each other in this particular way? Like there could just be so much to play with. There could be so much to play with, especially when we're leaning into consent and pleasure.
Lisset King:I mean, I want to go back to your original question, which is am I a slut? And the choice is yours. You know, like I like? Am I a slut based on this progressive definition? I am a slut, and there was a time I was a whole fauxshow and I've got absolutely no shame in it.
Goddess Brittney King:Yes.
Lisset King:Every single partner. Everything that has come through my past has allowed me to come in my present. It's fantastic.
Goddess Brittney King:Yes, it has.
Lisset King:Yes, it has you called the right people because we're never going to shame you. You are who you are and you deserve all the yumminess and being in partnership. It is both of you. It's a conversation. It's an honest conversation and you're allowed to define it, redefine it. Brittany and I, like I said, we've gone through spaces where we needed healing and we were in our previous wounds. We've both been through assault of some sort and man, PTSD is a real thing.
Goddess Brittney King:Yeah.
Lisset King:We've had to move through that and create space to allow the goodness back in, but we do always come back.
Goddess Brittney King:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm someone who's very partial to yeah, like the rebranding of slut. Like, can we introduce the sacred slut? Like what, if it's sacred to own your desires and own your pleasure and say, fuck guilt, fuck shame, fuck judgment, leave all of that outside and really embrace all of your desires and all that you want, while respecting other people and their desires Absolutely.
Lisset King:Yeah.
Goddess Brittney King:So this is so, juicy. Thank you so much for writing in to the podcast. It's been an honor to serve you and let us know how it goes. You know the options are infinite. It all starts with having an honest conversation, so start there.
Lisset King:Yeah, and if you have a question, why don't you go ahead and give us a call at 971-895-4111. Hit the like button, share, follow all the things, because all of that helps us get out to your community. And, until we meet again, be honest with each other. Bye.
